From Work With Love

Procrastination is a great excuse to do something new. Sitting in my office right now, doing some "not-so-important" work, I find myself itching to do something that I have never done before, like every other day in the office. In the end, you have no option but to stub that "itch" in the ash tray of disappointments, just like every other childhood dream you've ever had. Just suppress it and hope it doesn't blow back one fine day.

How long can we continue doing that? Suppressing our emotions and thoughts, suppressing our self expression. Suppressing everything that makes us different from others and unique in our own way.

Who knows when this will change. For now, we need to work.

I have to work, to feed and cloth myself, or to have a future. We all know what happens to the poor, they are just ignored until somebody finds them to be a jackpot for political agenda. So obviously, we all don't want to be poor. We at least want to be wealthy enough to post "cool selfies" on facebook. Or own a fancy touch screen phone. Therefore, you work, I work, everyone works. We spend our adult lives working. Working to stay live. Working to have security. Work for some reason or the other. We have no choice. To be able survive in this world, you have to... WORK.

Just entering into the field of "working", I have begun to realise that there isn't much you can do after a full day's work. "Work" drains you physically and mentally. It becomes difficult to spend time on things you love doing, such as - reading, writing, music, art, carpentry, etc. Those who are fortunate enough to be paid for things they love doing are better off than the rest of us. The rest of us have to toil endlessly, so that one day, we will have the financial freedom to do what we want to and nobody can stop us. We look forward to that "cake". 

But....

Yes, it is a lie. It has always been a lie. Many free thinkers figured it out and tried to advocate it. The world just labelled them "Radical/Socialist/Communist" and cast them aside. Regarded them as crazy people who just didn't have the mettle to stick it out in this world. These free-thinkers had the world's attention for a short period of time, before the whims of capitalist desire resumed to course through our veins again, and we went back to ignoring such truths. 

Many right wing supporters in India are ready to jump at the chance to blame the West for "Modernising" our country, but they will eagerly accept a capitalist's free-market if it means more money. 

We whore ourselves out to currency, but prefer not to look at it that way. We have unlimited reservoirs of contempt towards others, and we seek to compensate it with "more and more money". No wonder we are defected. We harbour so much resentment and hate that it spills into everything we do. It spills into our surroundings. It blinds us from what truly matters, like, "human beings". We pride ourselves for being Humans, yet we indulge in inhumane activities and systems. Because, all we care for is receiving rewards. We believe rewards will make our lives better. An attitude that is a result of insecurity. But, nobody is ready to accept it. Not yet anyway.

The Toilers going to Toil.

And so, I join the Toilers. Toiling away my days working for money, until someday, by the grace of a miracle, I can break away from the shackles of labour and pursue what truly gives me self-expression, what truly makes me, Me. 

Until that day, I am only an employee waiting to be told what to do.

   

An Indian - The Identity that we are born into.

I'm not much for politics. I don't understand the workings of it. But the invasion of propaganda in social media, that recent politics have achieved, has pulled me into it nonetheless. The best example would be the online propaganda war that was happening between Modi supporters and the elite English speaking crowd of social networking. It didn't reveal much on who should be more deserving of rule in our country. Both sides had compelling arguments, though, one side sought to defaming the other. 

  

However, the scenario brought to light how ignorant most of us are. How gullible we can be, given the right kind of probing. There was an evident split in India, among its demographic, on those who really knew what the scenario was and those who were shouting slogans because other people around them were doing it. 

  

On the day that aspirations turned into reality, the day of the polling count, my life remained oddly the same, just with the addition of a very weird fear of how things are going to be in the future. I'm not terrified of Modi coming to power, but I am apprehensive about those "strong-will-development-seeking-monkeys" who are riding the wave of ecstasy after learning that Modi IS coming to power. Modi coming to power doesn't mean we need to PANIC. It doesn't really change our future, unless of course, we want it to. What we need is to move to forward, and not stew in the same cauldron until we attain salvation. What India as a country needs right now is acceptance. Acceptance that everyone is not the same. Acceptance that change is good for the long run, and that you cannot choose to remain in the same shit pile of traditions, customs, and ideologies if we really want to progress. 

  

"Old is Gold" - Yes, true to an extent. But, even old was "new" sometime. Our heritage did not drop from the skies. It didn't just appear one fine day. It evolved, slowly and steadily, changing with its surroundings, acquiring a shape as it moved along. 

  

Our future is going to orient itself in the same way. Slowly and steadily, change will come. It will come in its own time. One thing I'm sure about is that Politics is not going to take us to a better place. 

  

This attitude, that it is the responsibility of Governments to make our world a better and safer place, is a fallacy that we continue to trap ourselves in. Politicians aren't going to take us to where we want to go. They will take us to where they think we want to go. Both are the not same, and ignoring this has been our greatest flaw. 

  

Governments are not agents of Change. They are agents of Order. Modi is an agent of Order. Not the Moralistic Order that you and I read in our English textbooks, but the order that a religion dictates. We like to call ourselves a "Secular" country. Truth is we are not. 

  

We are a highly judgmental society that will tear apart anything that is different from us. We take pride in being an Indian and look down at the western world. 

But, then 

What does is it mean to be an Indian? 

Do we know what being an Indian means? (Don't even bother giving me an academic textbook answer, because even those turds had no idea what they were saying) 

Of course, we don't. This identity of being "Indian" has been force fed and choked down our throats until there is nothing else left in our system. People on this piece of holy land will readily tell you what it means to be an Indian. Ask them what it means to be human, and they will stare at you like you were speaking Latin. We have no Identity as a nation. We are divided not by states, but by caste, religion, culture, socio-economic status, and countless other political identities. Yet, we all sing "Proud to be an Indian". 

  

It disgusts me. We cannot feed our people. We cannot treat them. We cannot fight poverty. We cannot keep injustice at bay. But, we need "development". We need high skyscrapers, we need bigger flyovers and taller buildings, express ways, and fancier bus services. 

We don't know what we want. We exist. We eat. We earn money. And we follow the herd. 

What happens to the person next to us is none of our concern. If our families are well fed and fat, the rest of the world can go to hell. 

  

And, the rest of the world has gone to hell. If by luck of birth you are born in a well to do family, you can have aspirations and do something in life. Otherwise, you are doomed till a miracle comes and touches you. 

  

And that is all that is there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less. Modi can be the PM for all I care. If he runs a totalitarian government, he can do so with a spring in his step. Because, it is not he that we should be scared of, but the society that surrounds us. The ones that will blindly move to his tunes, the ones that will let him wield them as a weapon. It is them that I am scared of. 

  

Modi is one man, he has no authority or power without us. 

  

There is no changing what has already happened. Now, that he is THE MAN. I hope he proves me wrong.             

From the Empty to the Sour...

An empty page is a nice feeling. It stands for the idea that everything and anything is possible. It holds massive potential for possibilities. New beginnings are often the same. The mere number of possibilities fills you with inspiration.

But empty pages don't stay empty forever. They slowly start to fill up. And they keep filling up, and filling up, until you can't write anymore on them. . .
Life is sometimes the same. Full of possibilities at the start, full of potential... but, slowly they start running out of room, until one day there is no room left at all.
I think it comes with age.
I'm just 24. But it already feels so old. My memories as a child or even a teenage boy seem like a lifetime behind me. Or even an earlier life. Just memories popping out from somewhere.

It is age. Age does a weird thing to you. You can't really explain it. It makes you feel like you are more than ready for life, while it slowly squeezes out imagination and "possibilities" from the mind.

I've just started living my life, and I already feel old, and tired and ready to give up. Yet, there is still so much more to do.
...Or maybe I just believe that there is.

Senility can be a dangerous thing. It can seep out the juice from your life and leave you pining for old memories. Memories you can never re-live again.
Yet, I am not senile. I am young, vibrant and full or energy. . .
Maybe I just believe I am. Maybe my mind has grown senile.
Maybe my world has become senile.

Everything around me seems so old. The world of wonder, fantastical creations and good values thrives only in books and entertainment. The world we live in is quite old and dirty. It just doesn't look it.

It is masked by paved roads, incredible cars, radio signals and "modern" people. It's a coat of varnish on old wood. . .

Resignation. That's the word for it. That's what I am feeling now. Resigned that nothing is going to change. That things are going to be the same no matter what. Possibilities seem like distant stars. Sparkling and twinkling in my eyes but forever out of my reach.

Resignation and Senility go hand in hand.
Maybe one starts from another.
Maybe one ends with the other.

Maybe it's a just a bowl of crap.

Maybe I am just asleep.

Maybe I will wake up within the next forty-fifty years and find out that it's a new beginning all over again.