From Work With Love

Procrastination is a great excuse to do something new. Sitting in my office right now, doing some "not-so-important" work, I find myself itching to do something that I have never done before, like every other day in the office. In the end, you have no option but to stub that "itch" in the ash tray of disappointments, just like every other childhood dream you've ever had. Just suppress it and hope it doesn't blow back one fine day.

How long can we continue doing that? Suppressing our emotions and thoughts, suppressing our self expression. Suppressing everything that makes us different from others and unique in our own way.

Who knows when this will change. For now, we need to work.

I have to work, to feed and cloth myself, or to have a future. We all know what happens to the poor, they are just ignored until somebody finds them to be a jackpot for political agenda. So obviously, we all don't want to be poor. We at least want to be wealthy enough to post "cool selfies" on facebook. Or own a fancy touch screen phone. Therefore, you work, I work, everyone works. We spend our adult lives working. Working to stay live. Working to have security. Work for some reason or the other. We have no choice. To be able survive in this world, you have to... WORK.

Just entering into the field of "working", I have begun to realise that there isn't much you can do after a full day's work. "Work" drains you physically and mentally. It becomes difficult to spend time on things you love doing, such as - reading, writing, music, art, carpentry, etc. Those who are fortunate enough to be paid for things they love doing are better off than the rest of us. The rest of us have to toil endlessly, so that one day, we will have the financial freedom to do what we want to and nobody can stop us. We look forward to that "cake". 

But....

Yes, it is a lie. It has always been a lie. Many free thinkers figured it out and tried to advocate it. The world just labelled them "Radical/Socialist/Communist" and cast them aside. Regarded them as crazy people who just didn't have the mettle to stick it out in this world. These free-thinkers had the world's attention for a short period of time, before the whims of capitalist desire resumed to course through our veins again, and we went back to ignoring such truths. 

Many right wing supporters in India are ready to jump at the chance to blame the West for "Modernising" our country, but they will eagerly accept a capitalist's free-market if it means more money. 

We whore ourselves out to currency, but prefer not to look at it that way. We have unlimited reservoirs of contempt towards others, and we seek to compensate it with "more and more money". No wonder we are defected. We harbour so much resentment and hate that it spills into everything we do. It spills into our surroundings. It blinds us from what truly matters, like, "human beings". We pride ourselves for being Humans, yet we indulge in inhumane activities and systems. Because, all we care for is receiving rewards. We believe rewards will make our lives better. An attitude that is a result of insecurity. But, nobody is ready to accept it. Not yet anyway.

The Toilers going to Toil.

And so, I join the Toilers. Toiling away my days working for money, until someday, by the grace of a miracle, I can break away from the shackles of labour and pursue what truly gives me self-expression, what truly makes me, Me. 

Until that day, I am only an employee waiting to be told what to do.

   

An Indian - The Identity that we are born into.

I'm not much for politics. I don't understand the workings of it. But the invasion of propaganda in social media, that recent politics have achieved, has pulled me into it nonetheless. The best example would be the online propaganda war that was happening between Modi supporters and the elite English speaking crowd of social networking. It didn't reveal much on who should be more deserving of rule in our country. Both sides had compelling arguments, though, one side sought to defaming the other. 

  

However, the scenario brought to light how ignorant most of us are. How gullible we can be, given the right kind of probing. There was an evident split in India, among its demographic, on those who really knew what the scenario was and those who were shouting slogans because other people around them were doing it. 

  

On the day that aspirations turned into reality, the day of the polling count, my life remained oddly the same, just with the addition of a very weird fear of how things are going to be in the future. I'm not terrified of Modi coming to power, but I am apprehensive about those "strong-will-development-seeking-monkeys" who are riding the wave of ecstasy after learning that Modi IS coming to power. Modi coming to power doesn't mean we need to PANIC. It doesn't really change our future, unless of course, we want it to. What we need is to move to forward, and not stew in the same cauldron until we attain salvation. What India as a country needs right now is acceptance. Acceptance that everyone is not the same. Acceptance that change is good for the long run, and that you cannot choose to remain in the same shit pile of traditions, customs, and ideologies if we really want to progress. 

  

"Old is Gold" - Yes, true to an extent. But, even old was "new" sometime. Our heritage did not drop from the skies. It didn't just appear one fine day. It evolved, slowly and steadily, changing with its surroundings, acquiring a shape as it moved along. 

  

Our future is going to orient itself in the same way. Slowly and steadily, change will come. It will come in its own time. One thing I'm sure about is that Politics is not going to take us to a better place. 

  

This attitude, that it is the responsibility of Governments to make our world a better and safer place, is a fallacy that we continue to trap ourselves in. Politicians aren't going to take us to where we want to go. They will take us to where they think we want to go. Both are the not same, and ignoring this has been our greatest flaw. 

  

Governments are not agents of Change. They are agents of Order. Modi is an agent of Order. Not the Moralistic Order that you and I read in our English textbooks, but the order that a religion dictates. We like to call ourselves a "Secular" country. Truth is we are not. 

  

We are a highly judgmental society that will tear apart anything that is different from us. We take pride in being an Indian and look down at the western world. 

But, then 

What does is it mean to be an Indian? 

Do we know what being an Indian means? (Don't even bother giving me an academic textbook answer, because even those turds had no idea what they were saying) 

Of course, we don't. This identity of being "Indian" has been force fed and choked down our throats until there is nothing else left in our system. People on this piece of holy land will readily tell you what it means to be an Indian. Ask them what it means to be human, and they will stare at you like you were speaking Latin. We have no Identity as a nation. We are divided not by states, but by caste, religion, culture, socio-economic status, and countless other political identities. Yet, we all sing "Proud to be an Indian". 

  

It disgusts me. We cannot feed our people. We cannot treat them. We cannot fight poverty. We cannot keep injustice at bay. But, we need "development". We need high skyscrapers, we need bigger flyovers and taller buildings, express ways, and fancier bus services. 

We don't know what we want. We exist. We eat. We earn money. And we follow the herd. 

What happens to the person next to us is none of our concern. If our families are well fed and fat, the rest of the world can go to hell. 

  

And, the rest of the world has gone to hell. If by luck of birth you are born in a well to do family, you can have aspirations and do something in life. Otherwise, you are doomed till a miracle comes and touches you. 

  

And that is all that is there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less. Modi can be the PM for all I care. If he runs a totalitarian government, he can do so with a spring in his step. Because, it is not he that we should be scared of, but the society that surrounds us. The ones that will blindly move to his tunes, the ones that will let him wield them as a weapon. It is them that I am scared of. 

  

Modi is one man, he has no authority or power without us. 

  

There is no changing what has already happened. Now, that he is THE MAN. I hope he proves me wrong.             

From the Empty to the Sour...

An empty page is a nice feeling. It stands for the idea that everything and anything is possible. It holds massive potential for possibilities. New beginnings are often the same. The mere number of possibilities fills you with inspiration.

But empty pages don't stay empty forever. They slowly start to fill up. And they keep filling up, and filling up, until you can't write anymore on them. . .
Life is sometimes the same. Full of possibilities at the start, full of potential... but, slowly they start running out of room, until one day there is no room left at all.
I think it comes with age.
I'm just 24. But it already feels so old. My memories as a child or even a teenage boy seem like a lifetime behind me. Or even an earlier life. Just memories popping out from somewhere.

It is age. Age does a weird thing to you. You can't really explain it. It makes you feel like you are more than ready for life, while it slowly squeezes out imagination and "possibilities" from the mind.

I've just started living my life, and I already feel old, and tired and ready to give up. Yet, there is still so much more to do.
...Or maybe I just believe that there is.

Senility can be a dangerous thing. It can seep out the juice from your life and leave you pining for old memories. Memories you can never re-live again.
Yet, I am not senile. I am young, vibrant and full or energy. . .
Maybe I just believe I am. Maybe my mind has grown senile.
Maybe my world has become senile.

Everything around me seems so old. The world of wonder, fantastical creations and good values thrives only in books and entertainment. The world we live in is quite old and dirty. It just doesn't look it.

It is masked by paved roads, incredible cars, radio signals and "modern" people. It's a coat of varnish on old wood. . .

Resignation. That's the word for it. That's what I am feeling now. Resigned that nothing is going to change. That things are going to be the same no matter what. Possibilities seem like distant stars. Sparkling and twinkling in my eyes but forever out of my reach.

Resignation and Senility go hand in hand.
Maybe one starts from another.
Maybe one ends with the other.

Maybe it's a just a bowl of crap.

Maybe I am just asleep.

Maybe I will wake up within the next forty-fifty years and find out that it's a new beginning all over again. 

May our souls rest in peace - A Man.

I'm returning to the keyboard after a long break from writing. The reason for the break was that I had run out of creative juice to write up anything, Not that anything has changed now. But who needs creative juices to write? If every writer is this world were to be phenomenal, exceptional and brilliant, the world will soon become a boring place. We need mediocrity in this world. And I dedicate this piece to all those mediocre people of the world, and I am also a part of them.

This world is a giant factory. Everyone has jobs that they must do with utmost integrity for the smooth and efficient functioning of this factory. Plus, like every other factory this one has it's own goals and agendas. As long these goals are being met as required, the factory will not give two shits about the people who run it. How often do you find a factory where the manual labor is the prime interest of concern? Rarely. Those who are employed to work at the assembly line barely matter to the FatAss "Lords of the factory". If one of these employees dies, it doesn't not even effect the factory much; as long as there is another person waiting to take up the vacant position.

Our world works in a similar fashion. Ultimately all that we are is units that make the big machines run(govts, companies, organizations, and economies). We, the common man, serve no other purpose other than that of numbers. The more the number of workers, the more the output. It does not matter that we commoners might have aspirations or ambitions. It is our duty to follow the herd and keep the turbines running, so that those above us may reap the rewards.

 
I am honestly very tired of being part of this fodder. This mediocre plane, which the world does not appreciate enough. We all just drool over the ones who are brilliant at what they do( like accomplished authors, scientists, great minds, politicians, and what the fuck not) while we feel inadequate and dissatisfied about our own selves.

 

 We keep forgetting that these great minds are no different from us. They posses the same biological anatomy, the same mental processes, and the same number of limbs. They weren't sent here from a superior planet, to come and induce great moments of history in our lives. They are the just the same as us. They were all mediocre, before the world took notice of them and began to perceive their work to be more than mediocre.

The world is a shitty place. Learn that. Embrace that. It is the people that make it less of a shitty place. But who has time to chew on that truth? Everyone has their eyes peeled on that imaginary carrot that dangles in front of them. Everyone is blissfully ignorant of the truth that this carrot is being held in place by those narcissistic capitalist spearheads that only care about that green paper, whilst they lay ruin to this beautiful world of ours and our minds, by polluting and intoxicating us with their heavily fabricated lies of status recognition and desire.

(look at that, it's in full HD resolution)

 Humans deserve more than being slaves to currency. Humans deserve more than just being consumed by their own creations. Or that would be the case in an Ideal World. But if a species is foolish enough to be consumed by it's own "gears and levers", then maybe it deserves the fate at its hands. Maybe humans are not meant for greatness. Maybe it's true calling lies dormant at the wake of its own ruin.

Why am I ranting about all this? Because the forces that cause the above are the same forces that call us mediocre. Creating levels and ranking systems, so that we start calculating what we deserve and begin to believe that it is our right. And when this right is not fulfilled we become jealous, nasty, back-biting beings that just care about what they deserve. A lot of people get trampled in this. A lot of people just become foot notes in History.

I guess, that is what we all fear in the end. Fear of being forgotten and discarded, like that carton of sour milk you just found in your fridge. Is this a real fear? A fear that if you ignore you will die right away?
Let's compare that with a real valid fear. Imagine you are standing in the middle of the road, playing with a yoyo, and suddenly out of nowhere you hear a loud blaring horn of a goods truck speeding towards you, five fucking feet away from your face!! That tickling sensation of butterflies in your stomach that you would feel right then is what I call "real fear". Real fear that if you ignore, you will most certainly die. (Now in this situation even if you don't, you will most certainly die, but that's an entirely different argument.)

The fear of being forgotten or not being recognized is not a "real fear". That's just being scared that society is not going to accept you as a worthy member of its communion. You know what I say to that?

FUCK DAT SHIT!!!

Society is the biggest fuck up of the modern world. If we really want to progress as a species, we need to put something big right up Society's "behind" and blow it up. *BOOM* We need to wipe Society off the face of the earth. But, that would be paradoxical, wouldn't it? Destroying millions and millions of lives in order to move forward... Wait, we're already doing that! *scraps idea* NEXT!!

But, it's true. You, me and the person next to you don't need to be afraid of a pack of wolves tearing our limbs apart. "What?!! You flunked your degree? OMFHBBMOG!!! (Oh My Freaking Holy Blasphemous Bitchy Mother Of God)......You're a dead man walking, you know that? Dead man."

Aren't we supposed to be an evolved race? Why does it feel like we are evolving in the WRONG FUCKING DIRECTION. You don't believe me? I have proof. Look at the Judges of the supreme court of India.

And finally, I'd like to end this post by dedicating this song to all the Gay Men and Women around the world, especially in India. Perseverance and Strength. Enjoy.
Manowar - Warriors of The World

Sweet Juana

Being a druggie is hard. Thanks to the world, society and governments all over, people believe that we druggies just sit and do nothing. I beg to differ. We do more than sober people. Just that nobody sees it. 

Well sure if you actually sit down and compare our lives, you could come to the conclusion that sober people have more productive lives. But, let's step outside of norms for the time being. What does one mean by being productive? 

If you think being productive means fulfilling what the government says you must do to, to  be a law abiding and useful citizen, well, ummm..... slave much?

Well, I'm not calling you a blind minded fuck who believes you're not being a slave to the government, I'm just saying it could end up there if we are not careful. Just saying. But that's just my Anti-State Sentiments(ASS) bubbling to the surface. You are free to disregard it. 

I simply feel a government that is ok with this 

.....is well, upto something. Don't you think? No? Oh ok, maybe it's just me then. 

So where was I? Oh yes, druggie productivity. Hmm. Right. One second. Need to formulate this a little. 

We druggies are intellectual beings that create, destroy and recreate in the world of the Never. We come across brilliant ideas, innovations, discoveries, truths, and so much more. Though, before we can do something about it, you sober people attack us and we are forced to defend ourselves. In which time, that Train of Thought has left our mind space, and returned back to the world of the Never. Opportunity knocks only once, and we were too busy opening the door for you (sober people). Come on, sober people, cut us some slack will ya?

Do you even know how hard it is to cross a busy street when you are dead stoned, and when it is freaking dark? There are balls of light zooming at you from different directions, and you can't afford to panic and freak out and shit. You need to walk straight, in an orderly fashion, so as to not confuse the oncoming traffic into making stupid mistakes and causing a huge fucking "pile on" of a road accident. But it's possible. We do it on a daily basis. We carry a huge burden, and we carry it without you ever getting to know about it. 

Now, as I talk about being high, I would like to remove the-high-induced-by-C6H12O6 out of this, because...haha, when it comes to that area - it's every man for himself. Let's just leave that there. I have no control over what the fuck I do when I'm drunk. And that shit is legal. Government logic. I guess money really speaks to them, huh? But, I shouldn't be one to judge.

And Marijuana is illegal!? 

"Of course! That's wrong. Why would we openly start selling something that will put our buddies, the tobacco companies all over, in jeopardy? No no no no. No fucking way. I sentence this idiot to five years of imprisonment for disrupting peace, spreading harmful ideas, and challenging my sense of logic. Take him out of my sight." 

........

........

........

Sorry, I got a little emotional there. Just my ASS acting up again. I should control it. The CIA might read this. (CIA, if you are reading this - I will NOT marry juana. I swear. I promise. I am against racism. You should be too. No no. Just saying.) 

So are you getting my drift here? Do you understand why it no longer pays to be the law abiding citizen anymore? (Actually when did it ever?) Anywhooo. I think I over used my Freedom of Expression Right. Should shut up. And give something sweet for the ears. 

May Juana bless the soul of Dick Dale & the Del-Tones for this song:

Miserlou By Dick Dale & the Del-Tones in the movie Pulp Fiction. 

Ramblin' Bamblin'

Alright, I think this blog of mine requires a little bit of revamping. The quality of posts has been a little on the downside.

But I guess I think I need to first come to terms with the fact that I am boring. Both to myself and other people. And I indulge myself a lot. A lot of the time.

Anyways, as I attempt to write the blog post, I find myself feeling empty. Unable to churn out anything for the moment. I guess I can't. Not that I usually churn out something all the time. Anyway, enough of self-retrospection.

I've been reading quite a few blog posts recently. Good blog posts. So good that I start to feel insecure about myself as I finish reading them. I wonder how are people so well informed all the time? Where do they find all this time to keep themselves informed? Maybe because they are not in their world inside their little heads like I am all the time. Maybe that should tell me something.

And a blog shouldn't be about me questions to myself.

Let's end on that note.

And this song:
El Salvador by Grand Funk Railroad

Alone in the dark.

What do you do when the world doesn't make sense to you? Or how do you learn to cope with the world when you realize your own uselessness?

Do you accept fate or whatever you want to term it? Or do you stand up despite the circumstances and be labeled arrogant?

I don't know how to answer these questions. All I can see is my future crumbling down and turning into dust, constantly. How do you walk into a future like that, without the slightest sense of fatality and discouragement?

Where does one the find courage to walk into darkness knowing things will come to an end? Where does one find the strength to do that? How do I that, when I myself am convinced that I cannot do anything about it?

Belief? But how do you know that your belief is not blind when you are the only person who believes whatever you believe? How can you test that it is not utter horseshit? And by chance, if you do know that it is not horseshit, how do you convince the world to share your perspective?

Ultimately how do you know that you yourself aren't speaking horseshit?
When you are in doubt how do you convince the world to think otherwise?

Where do you find absolute answers to such questions, that pop up all the time. In my experience, there is no place in the world that can answer these questions with absolute certainty. The world at best can provide you with suggestions or advice. How do I answer these unanswerable questions?

I cannot to ignore them and go on because, the world, the society demands answers. Answers that I do not have, which in the eyes of the world is equivalent to being to wrong and 'in over one's head'.
Does not having a plan for the future make me a liability to society? Cannot I not live in the moment and improvise?

What is the point of making plans if life does not let you keep them? What good is a plan that will be discarded before it is implemented? What good is it to plan when you don't know the future yourself?

These just maybe thoughts of a incapable, lazy mind. My mind. I'm not the best the human race has to offer, in fact, I maybe the worst. Zero productive and a large waste of space.

How does one combat one's own uselessness, even after knowing so? I know the answer to that, and the answer is - to do something. Something that has significance and meaning in this world and to the people in this world. But, knowing is not equivalent to doing. It takes a lot to convert the former into the latter. Something, I fear, I might not have.

"All words and no action." I fear my own fatality. My own lack of inspiration to do, to create something in this world. This will be the end of me. And all, I feel is helplessness. Watching myself slowly burn down to the ground and all I am doing is watching it happen; distant, unmotivated and fatalistic.

I am afraid that I will not have the strength to save myself when the time comes. And I don't think that there could be anything worse than that.

At times like these, I wish an angel would appear out of nowhere and guide me in to the light. But, all I have is myself. There is not much comfort I can take from that. But I guess, that will have to do, for now.